Thankful for All of It!!

The personal trials and tribulations that I have experienced are nothing compared to the many, many blessings in my life. Loosing my job this year has been a hardship, but has given me the opportunity to focus on and enrich so many other areas of my life. Having this time in exchange for the income has been priceless. I thank my wonderful husband Justin, for making it possible for me to use this time to work towards my personal goals. Probably the most important thing to acknowledge and give thanks for is being in good health. Have a happy and healthy Thanksgiving!

I'm Struggling

I'm struggling. That explains it. I've been MIA because I have a number of pressing issues on my plate right now, I don't know which way is up. I'm OK, I'm healthy and I'll be back on and posting when I have my feet on solid ground.

Thanks For Sharing

I hate when I catch myself sweating the small stuff. I think that I'm more progressed when it comes to that, but it catches me sometimes. Hey, I'm human. I bring this up because I was pissed off at something a few minutes ago at someone I love, and I read a post by a blogger I am following (In the Life of Mary http://lifeofmaryr.blogspot.com/) and it stopped me in my tracks. It brought me back to reality and reminded me that life is too short to get pissed off at the small things.

I've also been thinking lately about how people come into our lives when they are supposed to. Over the past year, I have made some amazing friends and connections with people I never could have imagined. I am so very thankful for these awesome people in my life. The past couple of years have been particularly challenging for me. I've dealt with the loss of my mother, aunt and grandfather, the loss of my job (hopefully temporary), gone through a divorce, problems with my children... there is more, but you get the point. I have made good decisions and bad decisions and have learned from every one of them. Some have hurt and some have been exhilarating. I am evolving as a human being with the help of others and again, I am thankful. I feel so fortunate, blessed if you will, that through the challenges there is light, there is joy, there is progress. I just wanted to share these observations.

On another note, my legs are on fire! If it wasn't for the 100 ass to the ground squats last night in addition to 100 lunges and all the other grueling activities my trainer had us do in class, today was leg day. I met my trainer Jenn at the gym today after an important meeting I had this morning that had me stressed. I just wanted to bang it out and be done. I love that "done" feeling. We hit it good, and my legs are paying the price. I feel accomplished and I just love that feeling.

By the way, the small stuff I was referring to earlier was this. As most of you know food prep can be time consuming to say the least. Now if you have other people to cook for it makes it a bit longer and it's so tempting when you are making yummy food that you can't even taste because you've set your goal and that doesn't fit in. My husband knows what's "my food" but he took some of it, not all of it, but some of it and didn't tell me. So when I went for it tonight I was like "this isn't 3 oz., did I screw up?" So I text my husband and he admits to taking what he knows is my food because he was tired and hungry and proceeds to tell me that I'm too focused on food. I remind him of my goal and this is what it takes to get me there, etc. etc. But since this was all through texts because he is working, he stopped responding and I just have to leave it alone. I'm not going to hold on to it. I will however speak to him at another time so that we are on the same page.

Anybody else understand where I'm coming from? Let me hear ya, I may be overreacting so if I am I need to hear it.

There are costs and risks to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction. ~ John F. Kennedy

I like to start my blog posts with a quote and kind of center the post around it. Today I chose the quote above for a couple of reasons. First, I think this quote speaks to most of us trying to do something extraordinary while still trying to maintain every other aspect of our lives. Our marriage or relationship, our work, our children, our families, our household and any other obligation that we may have. It can be tough. Second, I understand and have experienced the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction. I bring this up tonight because I gave up time with my children to get my workout in tonight, and doing so always raises the question "is it worth it?" And while I can think of no better time spent than time spent enjoying my family, I can think along the lines of this quote and say YES! Yes, it is worth it. I know by taking care of my body, and working toward a goal are very powerful actions to take, not always an easy task, but important for my children to see. I believe it's important to set the example that you, and only you, have responsibility over your body (with a few exceptions of course). At the beginning of this year and for 2 years before that, my triglycerides were sky high. The normal range is anything less than 150 and in February of 2009 they were 383! Oh yes, I meant sky high. I finally realized I needed to get my act together and that I was paying a price for being inactive and overweight. I opened myself up to many health risks including heart disease, diabetes and pancreatitis. I'm 31 years old! I don't want those risks in my life, nobody does. But not many want to do what it takes to lower their risks of certain health ailments. I want to watch my children grow up, and start their own lives, not be in a hospital or on 50 medications because of my own undoing. I deserve better; they deserve better. That is why I will sacrifice some time with them now, to get my workout in. At the end of July 2009, I went back to the doctor and had follow up blood work. Triglycerides came in at 167; 216 mg lower than 5 months before. I'm still a little high (over 150) but nowhere near where I was, and I'm not going back. I will not go back to a life of "comfortable inaction" again. What are you sacrificing for your current lifestyle?

Commitment leads to action. Action brings your dream closer. ~ Marcia Wieder

Woke up at 7:15 am and got my booty going outside for a.m. cardio. It went well, it was the perfect weather for running outside. I have been exercising later in the day or evening for so long now that I forget how much I hate exercising, or doing anything for that matter, on an empty stomach. At the end of my run I was so excited to come home and eat my egg whites and oatmeal. I heated up my breakfast and scarfed half of it down before realizing I am meeting Jenn at the gym for legs in about an hour and a half and I really didn't want to do that on an empty stomach. I took my time on eating the second half of my breakfast while getting my daughter up and ready for school. Dropped Cass off at school at 9:15 and off I went. Legs! Awesome leg workout! But that hill climb in between super sets SUCKS! Incline on 15 or as high as it goes, speed at 3.5 which quickly dropped down to 2.7 by the second climb, for 5 minutes. We did this after the first and second super sets and at the beginning of the second climb I was starving again. By the time we were done I was so excited to get my protein shake into my belly. Another day down, another day of a very challenging workout and another day closer to my goal.

If you aren't going all the way, why go at all? ~ Joe Namath

I worked bi's, tri's and chest today, and found it challenging, as usual. I did a lot of self talk, as usual. Then, I followed it up with cardio and I didn't feel like doing it, but I kept thinking that I really do feel like being lean, so I kept going. I kept going when I wanted to stop. I feel better for it, now that it's done of course. I take it one workout at a time and mentally get myself through it. I am thinking that this is usual for someone who is seriously training, I can't be the only self talker. Started a new meal plan today and so far so good, I'm about to get cooking momentarily but I just wanted to post a quick blurb about today. More to come.

Legs! Ouch!

Week 1 is coming to a close and I'm happy to say I've followed the diet to a T and so far I've dropped 5 lbs. since Sunday. As far as my workouts went this week, I was being careful because I injured my arm and did not want to make it worse. I pushed a little last night in Boot Camp and I'm happy to say it feels good today, no pain. I'm still going to be careful and use light weights for a few more days. As far as my legs go... holy cow are they sore, and I'm only 3 hours post workout. I am icing my knee because it is still swollen from the car accident 2.5 weeks ago. I have a feeling this bruise will be with me for quite some time. Leg workout was a very challenging workout, but I got through it. Here is what I did:

Warm up - 5 minute walk on treadmill...(Incline 2/Speed 3.5) then do 20 walking lunges (with no weight added) one time.

1) 15x - Full (ass to the ground) squat/Stiff leg dead lift combo using 20 lb. DBs in each hand
2) 25x - Pop Squats
Repeat this super set 3 times

Cardio - Treadmill hill climb - 15 incline and speed 3.0, walk for 5 minutes

1) 15x - Machine Leg Press 15 reps, 65 lbs. 1st set, 70 lbs. 2nd set, 80 lbs. 3rd set
2) 15 x - Seated or laying leg curl 15 reps 50 lbs.
Repeat this super set 3 times

Cardio - Treadmill hill climb - 15 incline and speed 3.0, walk for 5 minutes

1) 15x - Bench Step ups each leg (no weight added)
2) 50x - Calf raise on the floor (no weight added)
Repeat this super set 3 times

Cool down - 10 minutes walking backwards on treadmill (Incline 5/ Speed 2.2) then walk forwards for 5 minutes (Incline 2/Speed 3.5)

I am icing my knee because it is still swollen from the car accident 2.5 weeks ago. I have a feeling this bruise will be with me for some time. Other than that, it feels pretty good.

Ready... Get Set... Go!

I can't believe it's been 2 months since I've posted but here I am. I am about to embark on a new journey with diet and exercise. My goal is to transform my body into a competition body in the next 11 weeks. I'm not sure if it's possible, but there is only one way to find out and I'm going to. With my trainer's help and the support of the rest of the Fitness Jenn Team, I am confident that this will be a success. Even if I do not hit the mark and I have to postpone my stage debut, it's still a win/win situation, because what's the worst that's going to happen? I'm going to get leaner and toned and become a hard body? That's winning to me. I must admit I am nervous and anxious. Sticking to such a strict diet and exercise regimen is going to be the greatest test. But again, I am not alone in my journey and I will surely lean on my teammates as well as support them. To my family and friends, I ask for your support and encouragement please. I will keep posting throughout my journey, the good and the bad.

Success is dependent on effort. - Sophocles

It doesn't get any simpler than that. Your success is dependent on the effort you put in.

People have asked me over and over again, what are you doing, how are you losing weight? I don't have some unknown secret or a magic pill, I've just decided to put forth the effort. The effort being learning how to eat for health, making time to exercise, and learning why these things are better for me than my previous lifestyle. If you are struggling with your weight or just an unhealthy lifestyle, you have to ask yourself "what am I willing to do differently to get the results I want?" Are you willing to be uncomfortable? There were many, many times, and even sometimes still, where I was uncomfortable doing certain exercises. When I first began this journey back in November 2008, doing jumping jacks were challenging for me. Challenging because I hadn't done any cardiovascular exercise in quite a long time. But also challenging because for someone like me, with a lot of excess body fat, feeling that fat bounce up and down with every jump, was just awful. I was so self conscience of it. I felt as if it would never get better, it would never feel more comfortable. But I knew better. I kept at it, kept putting forth the effort. It didn't happen overnight, but now, jumping jacks don't even phase me. And forcing myself to be uncomfortable, feeling everything bounce, has contributed to a nearly 50 lb. weight loss. So, ask me, was it worth it? Absolutely! The point of this post today is that if you don't put forth the effort consistently, you will not find success. And each and every one of us deserves success.

To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist. -- Gail Sheehy

Sorry about my recent disappearance from my blog, but I am back. I was hitting some roadblocks and thought that because it's not positive I shouldn't write about it. After giving it some thought, this is the best place to share my challenges. So, here it goes. Every few weeks my weight kind of stands still for a little bit, and even though I know better I still get frustrated and wonder why, and so on. Then my stress eating kicks in, and I went ahead and ate 4 smores, and then I was eating cake icing out of the can! What? I went a little overboard but thankfully Justin was there to rip the can of chocolate icing out of my hand and tell me NO! I can't do that. What I learned is that every few weeks I have to stop and evaluate what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and is it working for me. If it isn't, I have to spend time thinking about what changes I have to make to get me back on track. So I am, back on track, and I've already lost 5 lbs. since my smore attack. Another thing I think was getting to me was that I didn't have specific goals set. When I started this journey back in November my goal was to lose weight. Not really a specific amount, I just wanted to get healthy. A few weeks ago someone asked me how much more I want to lose, and I answered with "I don't know." I guess the weight is becoming less important to me as opposed to concentrating on fat loss and muscle building. So, I asked my trainer (Jenn Nash, aka Fitness Jenn www.fitnessjenn.com, for those of you that didn't know) to help me set some goals, and here is what she came up with:

Performance Goals:
1) Plank Holds - 3 minutes
2) 30 push ups - military style
3) 9 minute mile

Body Goals:
1) Down 10lbs by July 18th (6 weeks from Saturday, June 6th)
2) Down 8 more total inches by July 18th

So here I go again, reset & refocused. Thanks for your help Jenn.

You Are What You Eat! Thank Goodness We Have Choices

I went to a party this past Saturday and I gave it some thought before hand about how I would eat there. Typically party food is not the best food for you, so planning ahead is always a good idea. I decided to eat a meal before going and pack a snack just in case there were no healthy options there and I got a little hungry. I made some Mahi Mahi and steamed broccoli which filled me up pretty good. I packed up my usual night time snack of fat free cottage cheese, strawberries, and walnuts, and off I went. My friends there haven't seen me in a while so it was nice when I arrived how they were commenting on my leaner figure. One of my friends showed me where to get some food and a drink and I wasn't feeling hungry so I declined the food, but had some crystal light to drink. Here's the funny part, as she showed me what was available to eat, she followed certain items up by "oh, you can't eat that... you can't eat that... and there's _______, but you can't eat that." So finally I stopped her, I looked at her and said "I can eat anything I want!" And so this brings me to the title of this post. The fact is we can all eat anything we want and in the past I have done that and paid the price for it. I feel so much more empowered now that I actually plan out what I'm going to eat, instead of just winging it. I stock up on good foods in my home, and when I go out, I plan ahead. I went out to dinner last week but before even deciding where to go, I jumped on line and looked up the menus of some of the local restaurants and went to the place that had the most healthy options. I planned ahead. Some people think this may be such a hassle, and frankly I used to have the same mind set, but the benefits of planning ahead offset any such hassle. When I look in the mirror I am reminded of my "why." There are reminders everywhere I look and when I am tempted to blow a few hundred calories on something with little to no nutritional value I ask myself, is this going to taste better than how it feels to be lean?? The answer is usually NO, and my decision is made. We are what we eat! So, eat to fuel and feel good that the choice is yours.

In The Fridge: I didn't plan on posting this picture of my refrigerator, but after thinking about what picture would go along with this post I could think of nothing better. Here's what you see:

-Salsa

-Natural Peanut Butter (ingredients: peanuts)

-Non-Fat Cottage Cheese

-Fat Free Sour Cream

-Chobani Yogurt 0% fat

-Light salad dressing

-Bison meat (leaner than chicken, but tastes like beef)

-Chicken (going to cook that up today)

-Brown rice (leftover)

-Eggs & egg substitute

-Strawberries

-Whole grain wraps

-Fat Free Shredded cheeses

-And an abundance of GREENS!!- 2 big bowls of salad, mixed salad greens, spinach, lettuce, Brussels sprouts, peppers, broccoli, celery, green onions.

It's Time to Dig Deeper!

I woke up this morning and weighed in 40 lbs. less than what I weighed just 6 months ago. That feels fabulous, but I'm not done. The number on that scale was just the fuel I needed to decide to dig deep into my gut and find out what's really inside of me. What can I really accomplish? Yesterday, I ran 5 miles outside and it felt great to be off of the treadmill running on solid ground. Running outside is good because you can really see how well you can do without a belt moving beneath your feet. It took 1 hour to run that 5 miles, and I think I did pretty good... but, I can do better, and I will. Honestly, that run took a lot out of me, and I did a hell of a lot of self talk through it, but I will be back, and I will be better. My goal over the next 2 weeks is to hit everything harder than I have been. I'm going to lift heavier, run faster, and longer. I'm going to push my body like I haven't pushed before. And you know what? I'm damn excited about it!

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." ~ Margaret Thatcher

OK, so here is the workout I attempted last night:

Jog/Walk Treadmill Hill Ladder

Warm up walk on flat for 5 mins then:

Incline 1 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 2 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 3 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 4 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 5 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 6 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 7 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 8 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 9 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 10 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 11 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline1 2 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 13 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 14 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 15 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 14 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 13 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 12 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 11 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 10 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 9 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 8 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 7 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 6 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 5 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 4 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 3 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 2 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 1 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

Incline 0 1 Min 4.0, 1 Min 5.0

And here is how I did:

I followed the workout until the first incline at 10, I did 1 min. at 4.0, and 1 min. at 4.5. Then, I brought the incline back down from 10 (instead of going to 15) at speeds of 3.5 for 1 min., then 4.5 for 1 min., until incline 7. From incline 6 back down to 0, I brought the speed back up to 4.0 for 1 min., and 5.0 for 1 min. After finishing that, I did a 1 minute sprint at a speed of 9.0, then went into my cool down.

Not bad for my 1st attempt. I'll definitely keep at this one, I'm determined to complete it. Thursday night is a night I look forward to because I take 3 classes back to back from 6:30 to 9:00 pm. First it's CORE, then Kickboxing, and last but probably most intense is Boot Camp. Can't wait to feel the burn!!

High Speed, Low Drag

That's the only way to explain it. I'm on high speed and loving it. My body is changing every day and it feels phenomenal. I'm working out 6 days a week, and my intensity level is up, up, up. I love pushing myself to see how far I can go, because usually I surprise myself. Like last night, I surprised myself when I shoulder pressed 20 lb. dumbbells. And, last week, the awesome leg workout, I definitely surprised myself then. I wanted to quit so bad, but on the other had, I knew I could push through the pain, and I did! And boy did that feel great!

PAIN IS FEAR LEAVING THE BODY!!

When I was in the police academy several years ago I first heard this phrase. I love letting that fear go. For me, working out this intensely requires some self talk. I talk to myself throughout most of my workouts, most of the time internally, but sometimes I just have to blurt something out. Like "that rocked" or "holy shit," whatever I'm feeling at the moment. Or I engage in an internal conversation consisting of "it's only 30 more seconds, I can do 30 more seconds, this is going to feel so good when I'm done, and then I can say I did it, and my body is gonna rock from doing this"... you get the picture. Anything to keep me going when my body doesn't want to. Does anyone else do this? I'm sure I couldn't be the only one out there.

I'm going now to hit the gym and do the treadmill hill ladder that Jenn posted a few weeks ago. Gonna be a lot of self talk going on there, I'll post the workout and how I did, later.

This is Where I Want To Be

I had an awesome leg workout last night which left my hamstrings and glutes on fire. As it became later in the day today, my soreness really set in. So, I hit the treadmill for a 45 minute interval workout and it felt good to get the blood flowing through my sore muscles. My body is going through some pretty cool changes. I love feeling new curves in my arms and legs, or muscles I hadn't noticed before. It's exciting, and it keeps me anxious for more. I am enjoying the learning process of doing exercises properly and maintaining proper nutrition. Last week I began my certification course from ISSA to become a certified fitness trainer, and I am intrigued by all the information I'm absorbing. It's one thing to loose weight and get fit, but learning about how it all happens is pretty cool. I look forward to getting to a point where I have the knowledge and can share both that, and my experience with others. That will really rock! And so will my butt when it looks like this.

Spandex Time!!

OK, so I wore spandex to class tonight. Yeah, big deal, but for me it is. Anyone that knows what it's like to be overweight knows that usually you get very self conscious about how your body looks to other people. Well, that's me. Even though I am smaller than I was, I still have a ways to go. And, frankly, I've come to a point where comfort comes first to me when I'm working out, and it really helps when your not focusing on your sweatpants being too hot, or your t-shirt sticking to you. I think I've earned my right to spandex. The important thing is, I'm comfortable in my spandex, like it or not!

My Family is Expanding (and not in a good way)

I wanted to share a great "in progress" picture. The first is me in April 2008 and the second picture is me in April 2009. Six months ago I made the decision to change my lifestyle, and now I am about 40 lbs. lighter and a whole lot leaner, and I just feel so much better inside and out. I'm still working on loosing more fat, so I don't like to call this a before and after. Anyway, Sunday was the viewing for my Grandpa who passed away last week from cancer, and I saw some family members that I haven't seen in a while. I almost hate to say it but I must because it stood out to me like a sore thumb. My family is getting big! If any of them are reading this, I apologize, but it is true, and never so obvious to me as it was on Sunday. I could not believe that of my siblings, I was the most in shape, and I don't think that has ever been the case. Or at least it hasn't been in a long time. I told my fiance Justin today that I feel like a reformed smoker, but about health and fitness (even though I am a reformed smoker). You know the one that gets on all the smokers for doing what was once a personal habit. Lecturing everyone about the dangers of smoking. I'm not lecturing (yet), but I am so much more aware of the dangers of overeating, and lack of exercise. Justin quickly pointed out though that the "reformed smoker" is the best person to be lecturing the smokers. Telling them they can quit, and that it's not as hard as they think. So I forgo the guilt of being the reformed over eater, and embrace it. And so hopefully I can show them, by example, that taking control of your eating, and exercising is not as hard as you think, and they can make healthy living a habit. You just have to make the decision.

A Day Off for Rest and Recovery

Last night I set my alarm to wake up this morning in time to get in a healthy breakfast and then off to Kickboxing class. So when the alarm did go off this morning, my body said NO!! I snoozed it, and when it went off again I just shut it off and woke up naturally about an hour and a half later. It felt good to stay in bed and I felt well rested when I did get up. As the day continued I actually started to feel guilty that I hadn't made it to class this morning. I decided that I would just go for a run since I was feeling a bit sore. I had a very intense lower body workout on Thursday and worked my upper body last night, so I'm feeling it today. Then, as it got later I decided I'm going to take the day off, and I'm going to be OK with that. I worked my butt off this week. I trained every day, and stayed within my nutrition guidelines, hell, I deserve a day off. So, today was for rest and recovery, and tomorrow will be mommy and me yoga with my little girl. Come Monday, I should be ready to torture my muscles again.

The Begining...

Well, not so much the beginning but close enough. Today is May 1st and it is my mother's birthday. My mom would have turned 59 today had she not died March 22, 2008. I dedicate this blog to my mother Linda, because through her illness and death I was able to begin a new journey for myself that has lead me on a path of true self discovery and growth. Watching her suffer the effects of cancer and cancer treatments, and all the other nastiness that go along with that, I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to live healthy. The term "living healthy" may mean different things to different people but to me, living healthy doesn't just mean eating healthy and exercising it means loving myself, and working on becoming a better human being. Living healthy means mentally, physically, spiritually. It starts in the mind, and even though it will take time to manifest into every aspect of my life, as long as I am patient with myself and keep my mind open, I'm doing what I promised. This is a tough picture for me to share, but I look at it from time to time to remember what she went through. This picture is of my mother during her final weeks of life on one of her many trips to the ER of Jersey Shore University Medical Center. I remember sitting next to her when I took this picture wondering how much longer her body could possibly hang on, and wishing her suffering would go away. The best way for me to honor her life and her fight is to live my life the best way I can, and take care of my body, my mind and my soul. So all that being said, I've begun...

In Loving Memory of my mother,

Linda Ann Porawski

May 1, 1950 - March 22, 2008